I've been trying to update more often...cut it from two months to a week. Let's see if I can keep it up. I should have no reason not to write I sure have a lot of time on my hands these days.
So the last couple days I've been reminded kind of a lot about how much my choices have had an impact on others. And because I am me...I have tried really hard to hang onto control and try and clean up the mess myself.
Reflecting on this reminded me of a story and then God spoke...
When I was younger I always wanted to do things 'all by my own self'....no surprise there. So one day I was pouring a cup of juice 'all by my own self' and I spilled it all over the floor. Well I thought I would be slick and clean it up 'all by my own self' before anyone saw. I cleaned up the mess, stood back and thought I was good. Thought no one would ever know. Well a little while later mom came home and stepped on the sticky kitchen floor and saw the red kool aid splashed on the wall and the fridge. I don't remember her getting mad. She just told me that is was better to get a grown up and ask for help to clean it up.
Same scenario this time I'm just a lot older and made a bigger mess. I made this mess and I've been trying to clean it up myself. Trying to cover pieces up so no one can see. BUT it isn't working. I'm running out of paper towels. And I'm getting tired.
What I felt God saying was, 'Sarah, why didn't you come get me? Let me help you clean up this mess so we do it the right way.'
After that thoughts started running through my head...just like when I was little girl trying to answer the same question for my mom. 'I didn't want to bother you.' 'I can do it 'all by my own self.' 'I made the mess, I should clean it up.'
He spoke again...'Sarah, you are NEVER a bother to me. You were NEVER meant to do it alone. This mess is too big for you, you need my help.'
I just started to cry. And He let me. Then I opened His word and He loved on me some more.
Today I'm working towards giving up a little bit more control...
Monday, August 31, 2009
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Getting real...for real.
Been awhile since my last update...and as always A LOT has happened. Stay with me on this one...its after 3 a.m. Chances are I might be all over the place.
My entire life has been turned upside down the past two weeks, and I have no one to blame but myself. Even as I write this I'm erasing and editing trying to fluff it up in case someone I hurt or offended might see. Screw that-its time to get real, to be real.
I mean the bible clearly says your sin will find you out...well my most recent sin didn't take so long. Within 48 hours my 'sin' was posted on facebook for the world to see. I'm sure if you are reading this you have already seen the pictures tagged of me drinking this past weekend. And if you are reading this you most likely know that drinking is a problem for me. I thought about untagging the pictures or even deleting my facebook and continuing to hide, but that is just stupid. I'm human. I messed up. I tripped BUT I didn't fall.
Let me tell you what happened or at least my take on things. I made a lot of bad choices over the last few months. I was warned against it and even heard God speak but chose to ignore Him and give into my flesh. Well as a result, many were affected and hurt, to say the least. So for the first two weeks as the smoke has started to clear I blamed myself. I didn't think I was allowed to hurt or cry because look how bad everyone was hurting and that was all my fault. So I hid my pain and shut those closest to me out, including God. I thought that I was strong and that I could take care of myself. I thought I had to put on a front and be strong for those I hurt. Everyone was looking to me for answers and solutions, the pressure was on. So I attempted to take it all on myself and failed miserably. Everything is a reminder of what I have done. I'm living the consequences, that pain is more than enough.
So I allowed the pressure to get to me and the enemy to feed me lies and I knowingly put myself in a bad situation...again thinking I was strong enough. What started as just one beer turned into many, then shots, and beer bong...and hours later I was being driven home with a strong possibility that I could lose my right eye. Thankfully my eye has healed up pretty good, but my heart not so much.
I feel as if I am having open heart surgery wide awake. As hard as my present situation is God has brought peace and surprisingly enough I can see His hand. It has been awhile since I have heard His voice and even longer since I listened or responded. I can hear Him again and this time I'm running straight into His arms.
This is what I hear Him saying...
'i think about you constantly'
'your life is in my hands'
'i know everything you need and I will provide'
'i am the only constant in your life'
'i will wipe every tear from your eye'
'nothing can separate us'
'i value you'
'i have plans for you'
'you bring me glory'
He is whispering in to my ear and romancing me again. He knows I don't like to dance so He has agreed to take it slow if I give Him the lead. Its scary and I know all eyes are on me...I know people are watching and waiting to see me fall...but while everyone is busy watching me I'm keeping my gaze on Him. He has assured me that He knows the steps and promised me I can step on His feet when I'm too tired to dance any longer.
Holding onto these scriptures as I hold out my hand for My Savior to pick me up and dust me off.
James 4:7-10 (msg)
'so let God work His will in you...quit dabbling in sin. Purify your inner life quit playing the field. Hit bottom and cry your eyes out. The fun and games are over. Get serious, get real serious, get down on your knees before the Master. It's the only way you will get back up.'
Romans 5:3-4 (amp)
'moreover (let us be full of joy now!) let us exalt and triumph in our troubles and rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that pressure and affliction and hardship produce patient and unswerving endurance. And endurance (fortitude) develops maturity of character (approved faith and tried integrity). And character (of this sort) produces (the habit of) joyful and confident hope of eternal salvation.'
In closing, to be more than clear, I am very aware of the hurt I caused to those around me. I am not taking light or making excuses for the choices I have made this past weekend, or past several months. BUT I will not allow the enemy to fill my head with lies that I don't deserve healing or forgiveness or grace and mercy.
The choices I made to get me where I am right now-wide awake writing at 4 a.m.-didnt happen overnight. I know this proverbial open heart surgery I am experiencing will take more than one day to repair the damage done. I get that its a process and have started to take the correct steps so that my past, whether that be yesterday or six months ago, does not continue to affect my present and determine my futurre in a way that is damaging to me or compromising to my relationship with my Savior.
Its time to get real...its time to be real.
Look for more frequent and raw updates as I take a leap of faith from hiding to hanging with jesus.
My entire life has been turned upside down the past two weeks, and I have no one to blame but myself. Even as I write this I'm erasing and editing trying to fluff it up in case someone I hurt or offended might see. Screw that-its time to get real, to be real.
I mean the bible clearly says your sin will find you out...well my most recent sin didn't take so long. Within 48 hours my 'sin' was posted on facebook for the world to see. I'm sure if you are reading this you have already seen the pictures tagged of me drinking this past weekend. And if you are reading this you most likely know that drinking is a problem for me. I thought about untagging the pictures or even deleting my facebook and continuing to hide, but that is just stupid. I'm human. I messed up. I tripped BUT I didn't fall.
Let me tell you what happened or at least my take on things. I made a lot of bad choices over the last few months. I was warned against it and even heard God speak but chose to ignore Him and give into my flesh. Well as a result, many were affected and hurt, to say the least. So for the first two weeks as the smoke has started to clear I blamed myself. I didn't think I was allowed to hurt or cry because look how bad everyone was hurting and that was all my fault. So I hid my pain and shut those closest to me out, including God. I thought that I was strong and that I could take care of myself. I thought I had to put on a front and be strong for those I hurt. Everyone was looking to me for answers and solutions, the pressure was on. So I attempted to take it all on myself and failed miserably. Everything is a reminder of what I have done. I'm living the consequences, that pain is more than enough.
So I allowed the pressure to get to me and the enemy to feed me lies and I knowingly put myself in a bad situation...again thinking I was strong enough. What started as just one beer turned into many, then shots, and beer bong...and hours later I was being driven home with a strong possibility that I could lose my right eye. Thankfully my eye has healed up pretty good, but my heart not so much.
I feel as if I am having open heart surgery wide awake. As hard as my present situation is God has brought peace and surprisingly enough I can see His hand. It has been awhile since I have heard His voice and even longer since I listened or responded. I can hear Him again and this time I'm running straight into His arms.
This is what I hear Him saying...
'i think about you constantly'
'your life is in my hands'
'i know everything you need and I will provide'
'i am the only constant in your life'
'i will wipe every tear from your eye'
'nothing can separate us'
'i value you'
'i have plans for you'
'you bring me glory'
He is whispering in to my ear and romancing me again. He knows I don't like to dance so He has agreed to take it slow if I give Him the lead. Its scary and I know all eyes are on me...I know people are watching and waiting to see me fall...but while everyone is busy watching me I'm keeping my gaze on Him. He has assured me that He knows the steps and promised me I can step on His feet when I'm too tired to dance any longer.
Holding onto these scriptures as I hold out my hand for My Savior to pick me up and dust me off.
James 4:7-10 (msg)
'so let God work His will in you...quit dabbling in sin. Purify your inner life quit playing the field. Hit bottom and cry your eyes out. The fun and games are over. Get serious, get real serious, get down on your knees before the Master. It's the only way you will get back up.'
Romans 5:3-4 (amp)
'moreover (let us be full of joy now!) let us exalt and triumph in our troubles and rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that pressure and affliction and hardship produce patient and unswerving endurance. And endurance (fortitude) develops maturity of character (approved faith and tried integrity). And character (of this sort) produces (the habit of) joyful and confident hope of eternal salvation.'
In closing, to be more than clear, I am very aware of the hurt I caused to those around me. I am not taking light or making excuses for the choices I have made this past weekend, or past several months. BUT I will not allow the enemy to fill my head with lies that I don't deserve healing or forgiveness or grace and mercy.
The choices I made to get me where I am right now-wide awake writing at 4 a.m.-didnt happen overnight. I know this proverbial open heart surgery I am experiencing will take more than one day to repair the damage done. I get that its a process and have started to take the correct steps so that my past, whether that be yesterday or six months ago, does not continue to affect my present and determine my futurre in a way that is damaging to me or compromising to my relationship with my Savior.
Its time to get real...its time to be real.
Look for more frequent and raw updates as I take a leap of faith from hiding to hanging with jesus.
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Church
Where along the way did WE forget that its all about Jesus and start acting like it is all about us? It's sad to see how far off we are. How selfish and prideful we are.
A current theme I keep coming across lately is the state of the American Church and just how disgusted Christians are with what it has become. NEWSFLASH-YOU ARE THE CHURCH.
Instead of complaining about it, why don't we step up and do something about it? Sure, it's a lot easier to complain and wait for someone else to step up and fix things...but you might be waiting a while. And then what happens if it isn't fixed to your liking? I guess it all boils down to selfishness and pride.
I'm not mad or disgusted. My heart is breaking and heavy. And I can't help but imagine that Jesus' is the same.
I don't understand why people criticize and put others down for using their gifts to advance the Kingdom when they themselves aren't bothering to even try and put theirs to use. So what if we fall short or don't get things right the first time...at least were trying.
Forget leadership...what's that? You mean I have to submit to another? Doesn't make sense to me. People are perfectly happy and content when you 'lead' the way they want you too, but the second you make a decision and forget to inform them oh my gosh forget it.
I mean we are called to submit to the authority of Jesus Christ, right? I don't always like the way He 'leads' me, but I TRUST that He's leading me in the right direction. Isn't that what parents expect from their children? To trust that when they say no it is for their own good? Shouldn't the same go for the leaders of the church? If you are where you believe God has you then shouldn't you trust the leadership? Even if, God forbid, they head in a direction you may not be comfortable with.
Change is the constant companion of progress. Are you changing to look more like Jesus? Are you progressing in the right direction or getting left behind in your own bitterness and strife?
Things got all out of whack when people, myself included, decided to jump in the drivers seat and play God for themselves. Instead of pointing fingers and looking around watching to see who or when the state of the American Church will change for the better, WE ALL need to take a look inward and check the condition of our hearts.
Jesus is contagious. If we are doing what we can to imitate Christ, it will catch and people will follow. All we need is to keep our focus on Jesus. Take a look at the bigger picture...It's so much more than a good parking spot and a smile and hand shake from the pastor on a Sunday morning. It's about people, family, friends, souls that are lost and going to hell watching us that call ourselves Christians fight with one another about meaningless issues.
At the end of the day what really matters to you? The child that sleeps down the hall from you that may not know Jesus? The estranged sister that denies God? The spouse that's souls eternity is in question?
Determined to step outside of myself and everyday look more and more like Jesus...
Join me and WE can change the world. Sit back and watch me...in the end, you'll regret it.
A current theme I keep coming across lately is the state of the American Church and just how disgusted Christians are with what it has become. NEWSFLASH-YOU ARE THE CHURCH.
Instead of complaining about it, why don't we step up and do something about it? Sure, it's a lot easier to complain and wait for someone else to step up and fix things...but you might be waiting a while. And then what happens if it isn't fixed to your liking? I guess it all boils down to selfishness and pride.
I'm not mad or disgusted. My heart is breaking and heavy. And I can't help but imagine that Jesus' is the same.
I don't understand why people criticize and put others down for using their gifts to advance the Kingdom when they themselves aren't bothering to even try and put theirs to use. So what if we fall short or don't get things right the first time...at least were trying.
Forget leadership...what's that? You mean I have to submit to another? Doesn't make sense to me. People are perfectly happy and content when you 'lead' the way they want you too, but the second you make a decision and forget to inform them oh my gosh forget it.
I mean we are called to submit to the authority of Jesus Christ, right? I don't always like the way He 'leads' me, but I TRUST that He's leading me in the right direction. Isn't that what parents expect from their children? To trust that when they say no it is for their own good? Shouldn't the same go for the leaders of the church? If you are where you believe God has you then shouldn't you trust the leadership? Even if, God forbid, they head in a direction you may not be comfortable with.
Change is the constant companion of progress. Are you changing to look more like Jesus? Are you progressing in the right direction or getting left behind in your own bitterness and strife?
Things got all out of whack when people, myself included, decided to jump in the drivers seat and play God for themselves. Instead of pointing fingers and looking around watching to see who or when the state of the American Church will change for the better, WE ALL need to take a look inward and check the condition of our hearts.
Jesus is contagious. If we are doing what we can to imitate Christ, it will catch and people will follow. All we need is to keep our focus on Jesus. Take a look at the bigger picture...It's so much more than a good parking spot and a smile and hand shake from the pastor on a Sunday morning. It's about people, family, friends, souls that are lost and going to hell watching us that call ourselves Christians fight with one another about meaningless issues.
At the end of the day what really matters to you? The child that sleeps down the hall from you that may not know Jesus? The estranged sister that denies God? The spouse that's souls eternity is in question?
Determined to step outside of myself and everyday look more and more like Jesus...
Join me and WE can change the world. Sit back and watch me...in the end, you'll regret it.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Silence
I've had the house ALL TO MYSELF for the past 4 days, and I still have about 6 more days before the family returns. It was so hard to watch them leave for vacation without me. And even harder not to quit my job and take off with them. I actually heavily considered the thought, but knew it wasn't right. I knew in my heart, that things had happened the way they did, and that God had a plan for this week or so alone.
I'm only half way in and I feel as if I have had open heart surgery. Which, I'm experiencing, can be painful. It's really easy, when life is happening, in all the noise to put off or ignore the voice of God. Sadly, we use it as an excuse. I know I'm guilty of it.
In the silence, when no one else is around, its hard to ignore someone who is speaking loud and clear. At the beginning of this week, before the family even left I was reminded that I need to let God love on me. The exact questions was, 'when was the last time you let God tell you He loves you?'. It's been awhile. Not letting Him tell me, makes me forget who I really am. And I know, from experience, that can really mess someone up. And I've allowed it to mess me up. I've allowed the enemy to come in and whisper things in my ear. Things I've chosen to believe and not put up a fight even when deep down I know the truth.
Before my family even left, I was bent on destruction. I already had a plan in my head of how this week was going to go...what I was going to do. Thankfully, I can tell you I have not gone through with any of my plan. BUT allowed my Creator to draw me back to Him. I've allowed Him to love on me and remind me of who I really am. I've soaked myself in His word and spent time talking, walking, and even crying with Him.
I don't know what my future holds...but I know who holds my future. Leaning on His grace again...
I'm only half way in and I feel as if I have had open heart surgery. Which, I'm experiencing, can be painful. It's really easy, when life is happening, in all the noise to put off or ignore the voice of God. Sadly, we use it as an excuse. I know I'm guilty of it.
In the silence, when no one else is around, its hard to ignore someone who is speaking loud and clear. At the beginning of this week, before the family even left I was reminded that I need to let God love on me. The exact questions was, 'when was the last time you let God tell you He loves you?'. It's been awhile. Not letting Him tell me, makes me forget who I really am. And I know, from experience, that can really mess someone up. And I've allowed it to mess me up. I've allowed the enemy to come in and whisper things in my ear. Things I've chosen to believe and not put up a fight even when deep down I know the truth.
Before my family even left, I was bent on destruction. I already had a plan in my head of how this week was going to go...what I was going to do. Thankfully, I can tell you I have not gone through with any of my plan. BUT allowed my Creator to draw me back to Him. I've allowed Him to love on me and remind me of who I really am. I've soaked myself in His word and spent time talking, walking, and even crying with Him.
I don't know what my future holds...but I know who holds my future. Leaning on His grace again...
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Follow Your Heart
When someone tells you to follow your heart, what does that mean exactly? What if what your heart is telling you doesn't line up with God's word? But what if the thought of not following your heart makes you sick? I guess the real question is shouldn't the two match up?
I mean if your walking with God and your in His Word, should that verse in Psalms apply? You know the one I'm talking about, the one that says He will give you the desires of your heart?
Before anyone comments...I know what the verse means. I know it doesn't mean that He will give you what you want or even think you need. I know that it means that your heart will align with His, your desires will match His desires for you.
So I guess that's my next question. What went wrong? Why isn't my heart aligned with His? How did we get on two seperate pages. Shoot, today I feel like were in two totally different books.
I jumped the gun. Somewhere along the way I decided that I knew better than God. That I knew what I wanted and needed and I went ahead and got it without so much as asking Him what He thought.
And so here I sit-heart sick, distracted, confused, hurt, sad, and lost. I'm missing Jesus. In the midst of all the craziness the last few weeks I walked away. He has patiently sat and waited. I want to be where He is at. I want things to change. I can't live in mere survival mode. In fact, I'm convinced that it's an insult to God. He didn't send His son to die for me just so I could barely make it through my day without falling apart. He sent His son to die for me so I could, to quote His exact words, 'have a rich and satisfying life'.
So why do we settle for less that He gives? Why do we settle for less than we deserve? Why is it so easy to get 'caught up' in the things of this world. Even more so, why is it so hard to walk away?
Lots on my mind today...
I mean if your walking with God and your in His Word, should that verse in Psalms apply? You know the one I'm talking about, the one that says He will give you the desires of your heart?
Before anyone comments...I know what the verse means. I know it doesn't mean that He will give you what you want or even think you need. I know that it means that your heart will align with His, your desires will match His desires for you.
So I guess that's my next question. What went wrong? Why isn't my heart aligned with His? How did we get on two seperate pages. Shoot, today I feel like were in two totally different books.
I jumped the gun. Somewhere along the way I decided that I knew better than God. That I knew what I wanted and needed and I went ahead and got it without so much as asking Him what He thought.
And so here I sit-heart sick, distracted, confused, hurt, sad, and lost. I'm missing Jesus. In the midst of all the craziness the last few weeks I walked away. He has patiently sat and waited. I want to be where He is at. I want things to change. I can't live in mere survival mode. In fact, I'm convinced that it's an insult to God. He didn't send His son to die for me just so I could barely make it through my day without falling apart. He sent His son to die for me so I could, to quote His exact words, 'have a rich and satisfying life'.
So why do we settle for less that He gives? Why do we settle for less than we deserve? Why is it so easy to get 'caught up' in the things of this world. Even more so, why is it so hard to walk away?
Lots on my mind today...
Friday, May 29, 2009
Last Week
I'm horrible at updating this thing...I've been so busy. I always say that I have so much going on, but it really is true. Let me give you a glimpse into the past week.
Started school again.
Parents were attacked and hospitalized for dog bites.
Grandma passed away.
Gave my puppy up for adoption.
Still sick, not sure what it is yet.
Spoke to a group of teenagers.
Worked 25 hours in 3 days.
Lots going on. That's just a glimpse of this past week. I'm pretty worn out.
But the encouraging things is I can see God working ALL around me. Bible study last night was so challenging and encouraging. We started this study a couple months ago with three people and a vision for transparency and authenticity. God has continued to move every week.
Last night someone said something that I can't get out of my head...He said that if you were to take just the last week of his life and lay it out for someone to look at that the person would most likely have no idea that he was a follower of Jesus Christ. First of all, I so appreciate his honesty. But almost as soon as the words came out of his mouth I felt like I had the wind knocked out of me. The same goes for me...if you laid out the last seven days of my life for someone they would have no clue that I was a follower of Jesus. Sure, I had occasionally cracked open my bible and listened to worship music. But most likely my actions and mouth would have almost totally cancelled that out. That literally breaks my heart.
What image are you giving Jesus? How does your life reflect His sacrifice? I mean isn't that the purpose of our existence, to show others Jesus? I want people to see a difference in me. I want to be known for making Him known.
Thinking about what that is suppose to look like...Excited for what God is doing and how I can feel Him tugging at my heart. His love never gives up...I can hear Him calling and I'm running straight for Him.
Started school again.
Parents were attacked and hospitalized for dog bites.
Grandma passed away.
Gave my puppy up for adoption.
Still sick, not sure what it is yet.
Spoke to a group of teenagers.
Worked 25 hours in 3 days.
Lots going on. That's just a glimpse of this past week. I'm pretty worn out.
But the encouraging things is I can see God working ALL around me. Bible study last night was so challenging and encouraging. We started this study a couple months ago with three people and a vision for transparency and authenticity. God has continued to move every week.
Last night someone said something that I can't get out of my head...He said that if you were to take just the last week of his life and lay it out for someone to look at that the person would most likely have no idea that he was a follower of Jesus Christ. First of all, I so appreciate his honesty. But almost as soon as the words came out of his mouth I felt like I had the wind knocked out of me. The same goes for me...if you laid out the last seven days of my life for someone they would have no clue that I was a follower of Jesus. Sure, I had occasionally cracked open my bible and listened to worship music. But most likely my actions and mouth would have almost totally cancelled that out. That literally breaks my heart.
What image are you giving Jesus? How does your life reflect His sacrifice? I mean isn't that the purpose of our existence, to show others Jesus? I want people to see a difference in me. I want to be known for making Him known.
Thinking about what that is suppose to look like...Excited for what God is doing and how I can feel Him tugging at my heart. His love never gives up...I can hear Him calling and I'm running straight for Him.
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Good Day
What a day! Long but Good. Went to go visit my brother today, made the four hour drive to and from all in the same day. I wouldn't trade this day for a million dollars. I got to spend the whole day with my parents, see my brother and have some amazing laughs. Great memories and conversation. At this exact time last year I wasn't even speaking to my parents. On the way home, I even had the opportunity to pray for my mom after she had gotten a phone call that made her cry. God has done so much restoration its unbelievable. If you would have asked me at this time last year if I could have forseen this coming, I probably would have responded with something like 'over my dead body'.
Aren't you so glad that God is in control? That His plan and purpose trumps ours? If last Mother's Day had to be horrible in order for this Mother's Day to be fantastic it was so worth it. God knew what He was doing even when I doubted and waivered. I find so much security in that tonight.
I'm sleepy, long day tomorrow but totally looking forward to it.
Aren't you so glad that God is in control? That His plan and purpose trumps ours? If last Mother's Day had to be horrible in order for this Mother's Day to be fantastic it was so worth it. God knew what He was doing even when I doubted and waivered. I find so much security in that tonight.
I'm sleepy, long day tomorrow but totally looking forward to it.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Compromise
It seems to be few and far in between that I update my blog these days. So much has been going on and I've gotten lost in the mix. I'm not quite sure what happened exactly or how things got so tossed up, I wish I could say it happened suddenly. But we all know things don't just happen, there is some sort of storyline that plays up to the climax, or in my case the breaking point.
I compromised this week on something that should be uncompromisable. I think I understand now where Paul is coming from in Philippians when he talks about being an enemy of the cross. No one would ever knowingly admit that they're an enemy of the cross of Jesus Christ, I sure wouldn't. But my actions this week proved otherwise.
How is it that we get so caught up? So lost in the mix? So far off from the truth? From the one thing that is of the most importance and significance? It doesn't just happen overnight. You don't just wake up changed and walking in the wrong direction.
God is competing with so much for our attention. The sad thing is in comparison to the ONE TRUE LIVING GOD the competition is garbage. But for whatever reason we dress it up and spray it with perfume so it doesn't smell and look so bad and suddenly our image of God is distant, small, and left behind like an old toy waiting for the next garage sale. When in reality it should be the other way. Look at God, look at all He is in His glory...shouldn't we be the ones fighting for His time and attention? The crazy thing is, He freely and graciously gives it away and we still act as though we don't want to be bothered. We don't say it but we sure act like it.
How dare we treat Him like that. How dare I treat Him like that. Who am to I lessen my view of God and enlarge my view of what this world has to offer. And then sit back and wonder what happened and why things are going the way they are going for me.
I must be hard headed. I'm thanking God for his patience, because we seem to be going around the mountain a whole bunch with this one. I can't tell you how many times I've had to learn and be brought back to Matthew 6:33 'Seek first the kingdom of God and all else will be added unto you' the hard way. I so easily let other peoples opinions and influences affect me, when I need to be letting HIS influence affect me.
It is an honor and a privilege to be in His presence. He wants to talk to me way more than I express my interest in Him. That is stunning to me, after all I've done He still pursues me full force with passion and undying unending love.
What is pulling you away? What will it take for you to turn back around? What are you letting 'get by' that is bringing you to that compromising position? What are you waiting for?
I compromised this week on something that should be uncompromisable. I think I understand now where Paul is coming from in Philippians when he talks about being an enemy of the cross. No one would ever knowingly admit that they're an enemy of the cross of Jesus Christ, I sure wouldn't. But my actions this week proved otherwise.
How is it that we get so caught up? So lost in the mix? So far off from the truth? From the one thing that is of the most importance and significance? It doesn't just happen overnight. You don't just wake up changed and walking in the wrong direction.
God is competing with so much for our attention. The sad thing is in comparison to the ONE TRUE LIVING GOD the competition is garbage. But for whatever reason we dress it up and spray it with perfume so it doesn't smell and look so bad and suddenly our image of God is distant, small, and left behind like an old toy waiting for the next garage sale. When in reality it should be the other way. Look at God, look at all He is in His glory...shouldn't we be the ones fighting for His time and attention? The crazy thing is, He freely and graciously gives it away and we still act as though we don't want to be bothered. We don't say it but we sure act like it.
How dare we treat Him like that. How dare I treat Him like that. Who am to I lessen my view of God and enlarge my view of what this world has to offer. And then sit back and wonder what happened and why things are going the way they are going for me.
I must be hard headed. I'm thanking God for his patience, because we seem to be going around the mountain a whole bunch with this one. I can't tell you how many times I've had to learn and be brought back to Matthew 6:33 'Seek first the kingdom of God and all else will be added unto you' the hard way. I so easily let other peoples opinions and influences affect me, when I need to be letting HIS influence affect me.
It is an honor and a privilege to be in His presence. He wants to talk to me way more than I express my interest in Him. That is stunning to me, after all I've done He still pursues me full force with passion and undying unending love.
What is pulling you away? What will it take for you to turn back around? What are you letting 'get by' that is bringing you to that compromising position? What are you waiting for?
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Oprah
Lots running through my mind the last few weeks. When you make bold statments about how you want to live your life-Expect challenges. Expect opposition. Expect others to disagree. Expect confrontation. Expect lonliness. Expect weird looks and comments.
The real question is...what do you do with what is right in front of you? Do you fall under pressure? Do you crumble when things don't turn out how you thought they would? Do you stop pressing in when things get hard? Do you stop looking for 'home' when you feel as if you've lost your way?
Following Jesus isn't meant to be complicated. But we complicate it, I myself am guilty of this, especially within the last month. The verse I've been meditating on today is Proverbs 3:6, 'Seek His will in all you do and He will show you which path to take'. The only reason I'm feeling lost is because I somewhere along the way decided I was a big girl and could pick my own path. I demanded my own way and protested that my way was better. I am humbly admitting I was wrong.
I have had no peace the last few weeks. Everything has turned into drama. Forget about a sound night of sleep. Why, you ask? Because I've been attempting to do it alone. We were never meant to live life alone...God created within us a deep passion for Him. No wonder all the other things I've sought out have been less than satisfying. I'm so thankful that it only took me three weeks this time, rather than six years to see that my way was not the best way.
All this brings me to the title of this post...this week at work I was having a conversation with the ladies I work with about something completely random and someone said, 'Well, Oprah said that...'It was something so ridiculous but because Oprah said it, well it must be true. Immediately I felt the Holy Spirit say, 'Sarah, do you believe me like that? Do you take my word for what is says as absolute and complete truth?'
How come we will believe a woman we don't even know before we will believe our Creator? Not many Christians you come in contact with would tell you that they don't believe what God has to say. But when you take a minute to examine your life, are you living like you believe it? We have to believe Him enough that it changes how we live.
'Worrying implies that we don't quite trust God is big enough, powerful enough, or loving enough to take care of what's happening in our lives. Stress says that the things we are involved in are important enough to merit our impatience, lack of grace toward others, or our tight grip of control. These two behaviors communicate that it's okay to sin and not trust God because the stuff in my life is somehow exceptional.' Crazy Love.
Who are you believing today? Who are you trusting? Man or God? Him who changes daily or Him who never changes?
The real question is...what do you do with what is right in front of you? Do you fall under pressure? Do you crumble when things don't turn out how you thought they would? Do you stop pressing in when things get hard? Do you stop looking for 'home' when you feel as if you've lost your way?
Following Jesus isn't meant to be complicated. But we complicate it, I myself am guilty of this, especially within the last month. The verse I've been meditating on today is Proverbs 3:6, 'Seek His will in all you do and He will show you which path to take'. The only reason I'm feeling lost is because I somewhere along the way decided I was a big girl and could pick my own path. I demanded my own way and protested that my way was better. I am humbly admitting I was wrong.
I have had no peace the last few weeks. Everything has turned into drama. Forget about a sound night of sleep. Why, you ask? Because I've been attempting to do it alone. We were never meant to live life alone...God created within us a deep passion for Him. No wonder all the other things I've sought out have been less than satisfying. I'm so thankful that it only took me three weeks this time, rather than six years to see that my way was not the best way.
All this brings me to the title of this post...this week at work I was having a conversation with the ladies I work with about something completely random and someone said, 'Well, Oprah said that...'It was something so ridiculous but because Oprah said it, well it must be true. Immediately I felt the Holy Spirit say, 'Sarah, do you believe me like that? Do you take my word for what is says as absolute and complete truth?'
How come we will believe a woman we don't even know before we will believe our Creator? Not many Christians you come in contact with would tell you that they don't believe what God has to say. But when you take a minute to examine your life, are you living like you believe it? We have to believe Him enough that it changes how we live.
'Worrying implies that we don't quite trust God is big enough, powerful enough, or loving enough to take care of what's happening in our lives. Stress says that the things we are involved in are important enough to merit our impatience, lack of grace toward others, or our tight grip of control. These two behaviors communicate that it's okay to sin and not trust God because the stuff in my life is somehow exceptional.' Crazy Love.
Who are you believing today? Who are you trusting? Man or God? Him who changes daily or Him who never changes?
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Today
I've been listening to a series this week about the ordinary life of David, and one thing that the pastor said that really stuck out to me was when he said...'God is a God of today.' I've heard it before but it really stuck with me this week. So I searched my bible, with the help of biblegateway.com, for scriptures that include the word TODAY.
God never puts us off until tomorrow, He never tells us to wait for His time and attention. It's been on my heart this week to really focus on the here and now.
I want to share some of the verses I found...
Genesis 24:42 'So today when I came to the spring, I prayed this prayer, 'O Lord, God of my master, Abraham, please give me success on this mission'-PRAY TODAY
Deuteronomy 4:20 'Remember that the Lord rescued you from the iron-smelting furnace of Egypt in order to make you His very own people and His special possession, which is what you are today'-SEE YOURSELF AS HE SEES YOU TODAY
Deuteronomy 26:17 'You have declared today that the Lord is your God. And you have promised to walk in his ways, and to obey his decrees, commands, and regulations, and to do everything He tells you'-FOLLOW AND OBEY TODAY
Joshua 5:9 'Then the Lord said to Joshua, 'Today I have rolled away the shame of your slavery in Egypt'-WALK IN FREEDOM TODAY
Psalm 95:7 'For He is our God. We are the people He watches over, the flock under His care. If you would only listen to His voice today!'-LISTEN TODAY
Matthew 6:34 'So don't worry about tomorrow, for tommorow will bring it's own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today.'-FOCUS TODAY
Luke 7:16 'Great fear swept the crowd, and they praised God, saying, 'A mighty prophet has risen among us,' and 'God has visited His people today.'-PRAISE AND ENCOUNTER TODAY
2 Corinthians 6:2 '...Today is the day of salvation'
TODAY, TODAY, TODAY!
God never puts us off until tomorrow, He never tells us to wait for His time and attention. It's been on my heart this week to really focus on the here and now.
I want to share some of the verses I found...
Genesis 24:42 'So today when I came to the spring, I prayed this prayer, 'O Lord, God of my master, Abraham, please give me success on this mission'-PRAY TODAY
Deuteronomy 4:20 'Remember that the Lord rescued you from the iron-smelting furnace of Egypt in order to make you His very own people and His special possession, which is what you are today'-SEE YOURSELF AS HE SEES YOU TODAY
Deuteronomy 26:17 'You have declared today that the Lord is your God. And you have promised to walk in his ways, and to obey his decrees, commands, and regulations, and to do everything He tells you'-FOLLOW AND OBEY TODAY
Joshua 5:9 'Then the Lord said to Joshua, 'Today I have rolled away the shame of your slavery in Egypt'-WALK IN FREEDOM TODAY
Psalm 95:7 'For He is our God. We are the people He watches over, the flock under His care. If you would only listen to His voice today!'-LISTEN TODAY
Matthew 6:34 'So don't worry about tomorrow, for tommorow will bring it's own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today.'-FOCUS TODAY
Luke 7:16 'Great fear swept the crowd, and they praised God, saying, 'A mighty prophet has risen among us,' and 'God has visited His people today.'-PRAISE AND ENCOUNTER TODAY
2 Corinthians 6:2 '...Today is the day of salvation'
TODAY, TODAY, TODAY!
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Encouraged
I woke up this morning at 7:01 and was in the car to leave for church at 7:05. Waking up late is one of the worst feelings in the world. I felt so rushed and so completely out of it. I was super crabby and let everyone in the car know it. I was so crabby that no one even asked to take a ride to the store with me once we got to the building. Not one of my finest moments. I went to the store alone and tried to 'get myself together' before heading back to the building.
I got back to church not so crabby, but definately feeling defeated. I was questioning myself on everything I was doing. Why am I here? Am I suppose to be doing children's ministry? Has God really called me to do this? Am I making a difference? Whats the point? This morning I went through the motions and just 'did' church.
I was super discouraged and almost had myself completely talked into quitting doing children's ministry. I was acting out of my feelings and letting them get the best of me.
Let me back up for a moment...I had an encounter with God this week. Several actually. He has been speaking to me daily about an assortment of things. He has been speaking to me about everything BUT the one thing I'm really seeking Him on...I'm confident He's working on it and moving on my behalf, but He isn't cluing me in.
After an amazing week of hearing God's voice I was still feeling defeated and discouraged. After service today I was extremely encouraged and God knew I needed it at that exact moment. He let me throw my fit and freak out, but right when I was ready to give in He stepped in to remind of who He is.
I had lost a nursery worker and was worried on how I was going to fill the spot. After service I was handed a piece of paper with a phone number of someone who is interested in serving in the nursery.
For weeks now I've had something on my list of things to do that I kept putting off. I didn't want the church to have to spend the money on a TV/VCR for the nursery. The workers had requested one, but I didn't feel it was a necessity so I kept putting it off. This morning someone randomly came up to me and asked if I needed one. That person had no clue I was looking for one.
Only God. I was so encouraged. God used those two situations to show me that He is working on my behalf-even on the things I don't bother to talk to Him about. If He is working on the things we don't talk about how much more is He working on the things we do talk about? He showed me that He cares about my worries and that even when I don't see or feel Him working-HE IS.
Even more encouraging I had 12 kids in my class today and 26 total within all three classes. He's got me right where He wants me...for now.
I got back to church not so crabby, but definately feeling defeated. I was questioning myself on everything I was doing. Why am I here? Am I suppose to be doing children's ministry? Has God really called me to do this? Am I making a difference? Whats the point? This morning I went through the motions and just 'did' church.
I was super discouraged and almost had myself completely talked into quitting doing children's ministry. I was acting out of my feelings and letting them get the best of me.
Let me back up for a moment...I had an encounter with God this week. Several actually. He has been speaking to me daily about an assortment of things. He has been speaking to me about everything BUT the one thing I'm really seeking Him on...I'm confident He's working on it and moving on my behalf, but He isn't cluing me in.
After an amazing week of hearing God's voice I was still feeling defeated and discouraged. After service today I was extremely encouraged and God knew I needed it at that exact moment. He let me throw my fit and freak out, but right when I was ready to give in He stepped in to remind of who He is.
I had lost a nursery worker and was worried on how I was going to fill the spot. After service I was handed a piece of paper with a phone number of someone who is interested in serving in the nursery.
For weeks now I've had something on my list of things to do that I kept putting off. I didn't want the church to have to spend the money on a TV/VCR for the nursery. The workers had requested one, but I didn't feel it was a necessity so I kept putting it off. This morning someone randomly came up to me and asked if I needed one. That person had no clue I was looking for one.
Only God. I was so encouraged. God used those two situations to show me that He is working on my behalf-even on the things I don't bother to talk to Him about. If He is working on the things we don't talk about how much more is He working on the things we do talk about? He showed me that He cares about my worries and that even when I don't see or feel Him working-HE IS.
Even more encouraging I had 12 kids in my class today and 26 total within all three classes. He's got me right where He wants me...for now.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Ordinary
Today was a pretty ordinary day, God used two ordinary circumstances to speak to me and remind me just how extraordinary living life with Him can be.
Last night I started a project in my room, I'm painting a chalkboard on my wall. I didn't follow the directions and rushed through what I was doing. It said to do one coat and then wait four hours for the second, I waited thirty minutes. This morning I tried to apply a second coat and it looked even worse. I left for work pretty frustrated. I had no other choice than to ask for help...which is something I'm not a big fan of. I asked my dad if he could fix it and when I came home from work it looked perfect.
God used that to remind me that His timing is perfect. Even when I feel the need to rush through things, I need to wait on Him and trust that He knows what He is doing when He tells me to wait. He showed me that it is wise to follow directions. They are there to help me not frustrate me. Also, with the paint, I kept trying to cover up the previous mess. Covering the 'messes' in my life are only going to make it worse. It wasn't until I humbled myself and asked for help that things worked out and my chalkboard was finished correctly. I couldn't do it by myself, I needed my dads help. I needed him to 'make it all better'. Same goes for life...I can't do it alone, and when I do mess up only God can 'make it all better'. He will always be there to clean up my mess and to fix what I broke.
Last night my dad saw how frustrated I was getting, but he stood back and kept silent about the whole situation. He knew just as well as I did that he could fix it. He was waiting for me to ask for help. Same goes for our Heavenly Father, He is more than capable to help in our time of need...but we need to take that first step and reach out.
Good stuff, huh?
The second circumstance He used was nap time at work. All my kids were asleep except for Lily, which is not unusual. Lily likes to do things her own way and doesn't listen very well, and nap time is no exception. Usually the other teacher puts her down but today it was my job. Lily did not like that very much and did everything she could to test me. I tried everything I could to get her to fall asleep and nothing was working. I was very frustrated and not very patient after trying for almost 45 minutes. Every time I went to stand up and walk away the Holy Spirit kept telling me to sit down and keep trying. He reminded me that God NEVER gave up on me, the God was patient with me, and how He even allowed me to do things my way for awhile until I finally recognized that His way was best.
I never got Lily to sleep today...but God used her to speak to my heart and to encourage me that He is always with me and that He loves me and is fighting for me even when I'm resisting Him, even when I'm ignoring Him, even when I'm being stubborn.
Tonight I'm grateful for His unending, limitless love. His faithfulness. His patience. His power. His provision. His grace.
Getting tired of your everyday life filled with routine and an endless list of things to do? It was in an ordinary everyday moment when God spoke to Moses through the burning bush. God is always trying to gain our attention, He is always speaking. Are you listening? Are you looking for ways to let Him in?
Last night I started a project in my room, I'm painting a chalkboard on my wall. I didn't follow the directions and rushed through what I was doing. It said to do one coat and then wait four hours for the second, I waited thirty minutes. This morning I tried to apply a second coat and it looked even worse. I left for work pretty frustrated. I had no other choice than to ask for help...which is something I'm not a big fan of. I asked my dad if he could fix it and when I came home from work it looked perfect.
God used that to remind me that His timing is perfect. Even when I feel the need to rush through things, I need to wait on Him and trust that He knows what He is doing when He tells me to wait. He showed me that it is wise to follow directions. They are there to help me not frustrate me. Also, with the paint, I kept trying to cover up the previous mess. Covering the 'messes' in my life are only going to make it worse. It wasn't until I humbled myself and asked for help that things worked out and my chalkboard was finished correctly. I couldn't do it by myself, I needed my dads help. I needed him to 'make it all better'. Same goes for life...I can't do it alone, and when I do mess up only God can 'make it all better'. He will always be there to clean up my mess and to fix what I broke.
Last night my dad saw how frustrated I was getting, but he stood back and kept silent about the whole situation. He knew just as well as I did that he could fix it. He was waiting for me to ask for help. Same goes for our Heavenly Father, He is more than capable to help in our time of need...but we need to take that first step and reach out.
Good stuff, huh?
The second circumstance He used was nap time at work. All my kids were asleep except for Lily, which is not unusual. Lily likes to do things her own way and doesn't listen very well, and nap time is no exception. Usually the other teacher puts her down but today it was my job. Lily did not like that very much and did everything she could to test me. I tried everything I could to get her to fall asleep and nothing was working. I was very frustrated and not very patient after trying for almost 45 minutes. Every time I went to stand up and walk away the Holy Spirit kept telling me to sit down and keep trying. He reminded me that God NEVER gave up on me, the God was patient with me, and how He even allowed me to do things my way for awhile until I finally recognized that His way was best.
I never got Lily to sleep today...but God used her to speak to my heart and to encourage me that He is always with me and that He loves me and is fighting for me even when I'm resisting Him, even when I'm ignoring Him, even when I'm being stubborn.
Tonight I'm grateful for His unending, limitless love. His faithfulness. His patience. His power. His provision. His grace.
Getting tired of your everyday life filled with routine and an endless list of things to do? It was in an ordinary everyday moment when God spoke to Moses through the burning bush. God is always trying to gain our attention, He is always speaking. Are you listening? Are you looking for ways to let Him in?
Monday, March 2, 2009
Obedience
Yet another night of drinking a cup of coffee too late...
Got lots going on. Had an amazing trip to St. Louis. The whole trip was incredible...I got to spend time with everyone I wanted and even ran into some surprises while there. God really started to stir some things in my heart so I'm really interested to see how the next few weeks play out.
I believe it was my obedience that landed me the opportunity to travel to St. Louis to be interviewed and give my testimony on Joyce Meyers TV show.
Now that it's over everyone keeps asking, 'what's next?'...I honestly don't know, but I'm confident my obedience will get me to that place.
The time is NOW...What are you waiting for? Waiting for the perfect time or circumstances to make your next move will leave you waiting forever and you will miss out on what God is doing right now. There are some incredible things going on around me and I can see the hand of God all over them...I don't want to miss out for a second.
When God speaks the time to respond in OBEDIENCE is NOW. There is NO such thing as postponing a decision with God. Either we obey, or we disobey. It's either faith or unbelief, obedience or disobedience. There is no gray area...either you're IN or OUT...Count me in.
I've learned that being obedient in the simple everyday ordinary mundane tasks of life will prepare me to be obedient in the seemingly huge moments when it seems life and death is staring me in the face. That might be a little dramatic, but I'm sure you get my point.
Still reflecting on my trip...so much good came from it...lots to chew on. Stay tuned.
Got lots going on. Had an amazing trip to St. Louis. The whole trip was incredible...I got to spend time with everyone I wanted and even ran into some surprises while there. God really started to stir some things in my heart so I'm really interested to see how the next few weeks play out.
I believe it was my obedience that landed me the opportunity to travel to St. Louis to be interviewed and give my testimony on Joyce Meyers TV show.
Now that it's over everyone keeps asking, 'what's next?'...I honestly don't know, but I'm confident my obedience will get me to that place.
The time is NOW...What are you waiting for? Waiting for the perfect time or circumstances to make your next move will leave you waiting forever and you will miss out on what God is doing right now. There are some incredible things going on around me and I can see the hand of God all over them...I don't want to miss out for a second.
When God speaks the time to respond in OBEDIENCE is NOW. There is NO such thing as postponing a decision with God. Either we obey, or we disobey. It's either faith or unbelief, obedience or disobedience. There is no gray area...either you're IN or OUT...Count me in.
I've learned that being obedient in the simple everyday ordinary mundane tasks of life will prepare me to be obedient in the seemingly huge moments when it seems life and death is staring me in the face. That might be a little dramatic, but I'm sure you get my point.
Still reflecting on my trip...so much good came from it...lots to chew on. Stay tuned.
Monday, February 23, 2009
Waiting
I'm usually sleeping by now, but I drank a cup of coffee at 9 o'clock and now I'm wide awake. Yea...not so smart, I know. So I figured I would update since it won't be awhile until I do again.
I'm leaving tomorrow night for St. Louis for a couple of days. I'm pretty excited, but definitely nervous. I've known about the trip for three weeks now, and God has definitely been preparing me for what's to come.
I'm excited to see and spend time with the people who invested so much time and effort into helping me become the person I am today...the people who helped me taste freedom and experience God for who He is. I've never experienced St. Louis outside the walls of Mercy so I'm looking forward to taking in the city in a different way.
As I sit here in the dark in front of the computer my mind is racing with different thoughts and ideas, but I can't seem to focus in to get anything written down.
Today was a pretty nutty Monday. I was asked to work an extra hour, no big deal to me since I'm off the rest of this week. I was puked on twice...pretty nasty. Really wanted to go to the gym but never made it. Went to the grocery story for one thing and spent $50. Packed for a 5 day trip and you would think I was going away for 6 months.
I'm hungry for something more...I feel like God is telling me it's time to step it up. I need to take the initiative and do my part. He's ready to show me more of Him, but He wants to know if I'm ready for where He wants to take me...That past three weeks I've been coasting and keeping myself pretty busy. The last few days God has really been doing a work on my heart. It's time to press in and take my relationship to the next level. There has been a couple situations I've been avoiding and simply saying to others and even to God...'Well, I'm just waiting on Him to show me'. The truth is, He's been waiting on me. He already knows where He wants to take me and what he wants to do with me...He's waiting for me to take His hand and allow Him to lead me. No more holding back...I've grabbed a hold of His hand and I'm not letting go. (Even if I tried, He wouldn't let go-pretty reassuring) Walking by faith is a pretty wild adventure that's worth all it costs.
Really looking forward to this trip. Most excited about spending time with some of the most amazing woman I know and being able to relax and spend time with God with no hidden agenda.
Update when I get back...
I'm leaving tomorrow night for St. Louis for a couple of days. I'm pretty excited, but definitely nervous. I've known about the trip for three weeks now, and God has definitely been preparing me for what's to come.
I'm excited to see and spend time with the people who invested so much time and effort into helping me become the person I am today...the people who helped me taste freedom and experience God for who He is. I've never experienced St. Louis outside the walls of Mercy so I'm looking forward to taking in the city in a different way.
As I sit here in the dark in front of the computer my mind is racing with different thoughts and ideas, but I can't seem to focus in to get anything written down.
Today was a pretty nutty Monday. I was asked to work an extra hour, no big deal to me since I'm off the rest of this week. I was puked on twice...pretty nasty. Really wanted to go to the gym but never made it. Went to the grocery story for one thing and spent $50. Packed for a 5 day trip and you would think I was going away for 6 months.
I'm hungry for something more...I feel like God is telling me it's time to step it up. I need to take the initiative and do my part. He's ready to show me more of Him, but He wants to know if I'm ready for where He wants to take me...That past three weeks I've been coasting and keeping myself pretty busy. The last few days God has really been doing a work on my heart. It's time to press in and take my relationship to the next level. There has been a couple situations I've been avoiding and simply saying to others and even to God...'Well, I'm just waiting on Him to show me'. The truth is, He's been waiting on me. He already knows where He wants to take me and what he wants to do with me...He's waiting for me to take His hand and allow Him to lead me. No more holding back...I've grabbed a hold of His hand and I'm not letting go. (Even if I tried, He wouldn't let go-pretty reassuring) Walking by faith is a pretty wild adventure that's worth all it costs.
Really looking forward to this trip. Most excited about spending time with some of the most amazing woman I know and being able to relax and spend time with God with no hidden agenda.
Update when I get back...
Saturday, February 21, 2009
True Worship
Worship is not religion or ritual, worship is an intimate and vital encounter with a person. True worship includes the full recognition of who God is. This recognition brings about the realization of our own sinfulness. It is life changing. It creates within the worshippers heart a hatred for sin. It results in repentance, obedience, submission, and a desire for holiness. It generates a desire to show mercy and it expresses forgiveness. It includes a joyful acceptance of all that God has provided by His grace. It is not exclusive. It will compel the worshipper to include others. The one who has truly worshiped will have a sense of peace and a confident expectation of what God is about to do. True worship produces a transformed life, reflecting the one who has been worshipped.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
On My Way Out
Don't have much time this morning on way out the door for work...
This is what I'm holding onto this morning as I set out for the rest of my day.
1 Thess. 1:8 'Your lives are echoing the Masters word...The news of your faith in God is out. We don't even have to say anything anymore-you're the message'
What message are you sending for your creator? People watch and observe you more than you realize...we can talk about Jesus until we are blue in the face but if are actions don't match it is just a waist of time.
People will not start to trust Jesus until they see a clear difference between us and the rest of the world. They need to see Jesus working for us before they try it out themselves.
It kind of reminds me on an info-mercial...The people go to crazy lengths to convince you that their product works, but it isn't until you see it actually do what it is suppose to that your 'sold' on their item.
BE Jesus to someone today...
This is what I'm holding onto this morning as I set out for the rest of my day.
1 Thess. 1:8 'Your lives are echoing the Masters word...The news of your faith in God is out. We don't even have to say anything anymore-you're the message'
What message are you sending for your creator? People watch and observe you more than you realize...we can talk about Jesus until we are blue in the face but if are actions don't match it is just a waist of time.
People will not start to trust Jesus until they see a clear difference between us and the rest of the world. They need to see Jesus working for us before they try it out themselves.
It kind of reminds me on an info-mercial...The people go to crazy lengths to convince you that their product works, but it isn't until you see it actually do what it is suppose to that your 'sold' on their item.
BE Jesus to someone today...
Friday, February 13, 2009
MY Day
In my last post I said...'Me and Jesus meet everyday for a cup of coffee before I start my day'.
Does anyone see anything wrong with that sentence? I do. I start MY day with Jesus and then leave Him there in MY bedroom as I go on with MY day. And then once MY day is over I come back to MY room and there He is just sitting on my bed right where I left Him waiting for me.
I was hit that with pretty hard this week...because I realized that is exactly what I've been doing. Me and Jesus meet every morning, but then I was just leaving Him behind. Everyday He would ask me if He could come and I just didn't want to be bothered because I had so much to do and so much going on. I've made Him out to be like a puppy or a little brother. I'll play with you when I want but then when I've got to go that's it.
Selfish right? Yep...that is it exactly. That is what I'm facing this week-my own selfishness. Pretty ugly, huh? I'll say. Hasn't been easy to take a look inside and see that but it is what it is and Jesus has been forgiving and patient as we deal with what we are looking at.
I'm striving to make Him apart of EVERYTHING I do. I want Him to go to work with me. and to the gym. and the coffee shop. I want Him to be the first one I call when I get good news. or bad news. I've had so much going on this past week and I've been feeling a little burnt out. I've come to realize it's because I was trying to do it all on my own...and it was working, but barely and it wouldn't of lasted long at the rate I was going. He is WAY stronger and smarter than me...and He desperately wants to be apart of ALL my life NOT just the beginning and the end.
That's where I'm at tonight...that's what I'm dealing with...there I go being selfish again...That's what WE'RE dealing with. ; )
So thankful He waited around for me and is still offering to do life with me.
Does anyone see anything wrong with that sentence? I do. I start MY day with Jesus and then leave Him there in MY bedroom as I go on with MY day. And then once MY day is over I come back to MY room and there He is just sitting on my bed right where I left Him waiting for me.
I was hit that with pretty hard this week...because I realized that is exactly what I've been doing. Me and Jesus meet every morning, but then I was just leaving Him behind. Everyday He would ask me if He could come and I just didn't want to be bothered because I had so much to do and so much going on. I've made Him out to be like a puppy or a little brother. I'll play with you when I want but then when I've got to go that's it.
Selfish right? Yep...that is it exactly. That is what I'm facing this week-my own selfishness. Pretty ugly, huh? I'll say. Hasn't been easy to take a look inside and see that but it is what it is and Jesus has been forgiving and patient as we deal with what we are looking at.
I'm striving to make Him apart of EVERYTHING I do. I want Him to go to work with me. and to the gym. and the coffee shop. I want Him to be the first one I call when I get good news. or bad news. I've had so much going on this past week and I've been feeling a little burnt out. I've come to realize it's because I was trying to do it all on my own...and it was working, but barely and it wouldn't of lasted long at the rate I was going. He is WAY stronger and smarter than me...and He desperately wants to be apart of ALL my life NOT just the beginning and the end.
That's where I'm at tonight...that's what I'm dealing with...there I go being selfish again...That's what WE'RE dealing with. ; )
So thankful He waited around for me and is still offering to do life with me.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
7 days
Can hardly believe it's been a week since I last wrote.
I've been pretty sick up and down...the enemy knows thats the way to get me. I get so mean and crabby when I'm sick. I've got to regain control of that, I can't let him get to me. Got to spend the WHOLE DAY and NIGHT in bed yesterday. I slept ALL day which helped so much.
It's been a week since my brother has been locked up. He's already been transferred from one jail to another. Now he's awaiting his spot to open up in boot camp. We were originally told we couldn't have any contact with Him for the first two months he was gone. Well Mikey knows away around everything and got his new cellmates girlfriend to call my mom. We are able to send him letters and books only for the next two weeks until he leaves for boot camp. I'm sending him a bible tomorrow! God is already starting to move! I'm sure Mikey will be less than thrilled, but hey what else does he have to do sitting in a small cell for 23 hours a day? If you think of it...pray for him.
Sunday night got to go to a pretty cool church in the city and hear Chris Caine speak. She was amazing as usual. The worship in itself blew me away. I could feel Gods presence like never before. It was unreal. I wasn't feeling good all day Sunday and was hesitant to make the trip to the city but something kept telling me to fight it and go...so I did. I left so filled up and refreshed. Good stuff.
Me and Jesus have a routine. We meet every morning for a cup of coffee before I start my day. Well, Saturday through Monday our plans were interrupted because of drama, oversleeping, and sickness. By the time this morning came I was so hungry for His truth I couldn't take it. I devoured my devotionals this morning. I did so half heartedly because I'm still feeling super sick...but I wanted something...anything to hold onto for the day. The days I don't meet with Jesus in the morning, I'm a mess! My attitude is off the wall and my reactions to things that wouldn't even normally bother me are ridiculous. In a way, I think it was a good thing to miss out of my time with Him the past three days because it taught me a few things.
I was concerned that I would start to do it just out of routine or habit...but this confirmed that wasn't the case at all because I was starving come Tuesday morning! We need to remember what a privilege it is to meet with our Savior.
If I've learned anything this week...its that if I continue to be obedient and trust Gods will for my life and not my own...He will go above and beyond to supply all my needs and to use me more than I could ever imagine for His kingdom. My one desire right now is that God would use me. I am confident because of my obedience and sensitivity to His heart, He is doing just that.
Meeting a woman for coffee tomorrow to hopefully get involved with a pretty cool teen program here in the suburbs of Chicago. Super excited. Check out the site if you have time...maybe you'd like to help too! www.thebridgeteencenter.org
That's all for now...no deep thoughts today. I'm still feeling a bit sick...I'm confident I'll be back to my normal self in no time and boy I can't wait!
I've been pretty sick up and down...the enemy knows thats the way to get me. I get so mean and crabby when I'm sick. I've got to regain control of that, I can't let him get to me. Got to spend the WHOLE DAY and NIGHT in bed yesterday. I slept ALL day which helped so much.
It's been a week since my brother has been locked up. He's already been transferred from one jail to another. Now he's awaiting his spot to open up in boot camp. We were originally told we couldn't have any contact with Him for the first two months he was gone. Well Mikey knows away around everything and got his new cellmates girlfriend to call my mom. We are able to send him letters and books only for the next two weeks until he leaves for boot camp. I'm sending him a bible tomorrow! God is already starting to move! I'm sure Mikey will be less than thrilled, but hey what else does he have to do sitting in a small cell for 23 hours a day? If you think of it...pray for him.
Sunday night got to go to a pretty cool church in the city and hear Chris Caine speak. She was amazing as usual. The worship in itself blew me away. I could feel Gods presence like never before. It was unreal. I wasn't feeling good all day Sunday and was hesitant to make the trip to the city but something kept telling me to fight it and go...so I did. I left so filled up and refreshed. Good stuff.
Me and Jesus have a routine. We meet every morning for a cup of coffee before I start my day. Well, Saturday through Monday our plans were interrupted because of drama, oversleeping, and sickness. By the time this morning came I was so hungry for His truth I couldn't take it. I devoured my devotionals this morning. I did so half heartedly because I'm still feeling super sick...but I wanted something...anything to hold onto for the day. The days I don't meet with Jesus in the morning, I'm a mess! My attitude is off the wall and my reactions to things that wouldn't even normally bother me are ridiculous. In a way, I think it was a good thing to miss out of my time with Him the past three days because it taught me a few things.
I was concerned that I would start to do it just out of routine or habit...but this confirmed that wasn't the case at all because I was starving come Tuesday morning! We need to remember what a privilege it is to meet with our Savior.
If I've learned anything this week...its that if I continue to be obedient and trust Gods will for my life and not my own...He will go above and beyond to supply all my needs and to use me more than I could ever imagine for His kingdom. My one desire right now is that God would use me. I am confident because of my obedience and sensitivity to His heart, He is doing just that.
Meeting a woman for coffee tomorrow to hopefully get involved with a pretty cool teen program here in the suburbs of Chicago. Super excited. Check out the site if you have time...maybe you'd like to help too! www.thebridgeteencenter.org
That's all for now...no deep thoughts today. I'm still feeling a bit sick...I'm confident I'll be back to my normal self in no time and boy I can't wait!
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Experiences
Deut. 11:2 'Remember today what you have learned about the Lord through your experiences with Him.'
Stumbled across this verse this morning...been thinking about it a lot.
How do you get to know somebody? Talking to them. Spending time with them. Investing time into them.
Who do you invest your time into? Is it making a difference in your life? Most importantly is it making a difference for the better?
I can sit in church every Sunday and read a million books about Jesus but that doesn't mean that I know Him. That would make me know a lot about Him, but it wouldn't make me really know Him.
Do you know ABOUT Jesus? or do you KNOW Jesus?
Have you experienced Him lately? Are you investing time into your relationship with Him?
It is only in His presence that I am changed. It is only is those quite moments when it is just me and Him that I really get to know Him for who He is.
Luckily for us, Jesus doesn't change. He is the same yesterday, today and forever. But we do change. And even more so...the people we choose to surround ourselves with have an impact on us. Are you allowing Jesus to be one of those people? Are your experiences with Him changing your life?
I can honestly say...I've experienced Jesus. Better yet, I am experiencing Him. I'm striving to be more like Him everyday. In experiencing Him, I'm seeing Him more and more for who He is...He is continuing to show me more and more of Him...I'm falling in love all over again.
Invest your time in something worthwhile...something meaningful...something that gives you purpose and significance...something that wont disappoint...something that will always love you...something solid...something you can trust...invest your time in Jesus.
Once you experience Him you will NEVER be the same.
Stumbled across this verse this morning...been thinking about it a lot.
How do you get to know somebody? Talking to them. Spending time with them. Investing time into them.
Who do you invest your time into? Is it making a difference in your life? Most importantly is it making a difference for the better?
I can sit in church every Sunday and read a million books about Jesus but that doesn't mean that I know Him. That would make me know a lot about Him, but it wouldn't make me really know Him.
Do you know ABOUT Jesus? or do you KNOW Jesus?
Have you experienced Him lately? Are you investing time into your relationship with Him?
It is only in His presence that I am changed. It is only is those quite moments when it is just me and Him that I really get to know Him for who He is.
Luckily for us, Jesus doesn't change. He is the same yesterday, today and forever. But we do change. And even more so...the people we choose to surround ourselves with have an impact on us. Are you allowing Jesus to be one of those people? Are your experiences with Him changing your life?
I can honestly say...I've experienced Jesus. Better yet, I am experiencing Him. I'm striving to be more like Him everyday. In experiencing Him, I'm seeing Him more and more for who He is...He is continuing to show me more and more of Him...I'm falling in love all over again.
Invest your time in something worthwhile...something meaningful...something that gives you purpose and significance...something that wont disappoint...something that will always love you...something solid...something you can trust...invest your time in Jesus.
Once you experience Him you will NEVER be the same.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Temptation
Thursday was one heck of a day...let me tell you.
God used a handful of unusual circumstances this week to remind me of that I am man, and He is God.
Someone told me Sunday that after your greatest victories come your biggest trials and temptations. I halfheartedly responded saying that I knew and that I was prepared to handle whatever was to come.
Little did I know what I would face this week and yesterday I finally broke.
This week I was reminded that I am NEVER above temptation. And also that like Paul says I will always be growing and changing...Christs work in me is not finished until the day He returns to bring me home. It was also revealed to me just how selfish I really am.
As I was reflecting this morning I was very much grieved by my sin...which I believe is how it should be. We can't ignore our sin...because it is exactly what put Jesus on the cross. Now I'm not talking sin like drugs and alcohol, but sin like selfishness, greed, and envy.
I'm so thankful that Gods mercies are new every morning and that yesterday is considered my past. It's been a tough week but Gods strength is perfected in my weakness which brings Him the ultimate glory.
So happy its Friday...looking forward to sleeping in tomorrow. God is good...He knew the things I would face this week and He wasn't rattled, I take comfort in that. In fact, He used the things I faced this week to challenge me, grow me, and use me in ways I wouldn't of that possible. I love Him.
God used a handful of unusual circumstances this week to remind me of that I am man, and He is God.
Someone told me Sunday that after your greatest victories come your biggest trials and temptations. I halfheartedly responded saying that I knew and that I was prepared to handle whatever was to come.
Little did I know what I would face this week and yesterday I finally broke.
This week I was reminded that I am NEVER above temptation. And also that like Paul says I will always be growing and changing...Christs work in me is not finished until the day He returns to bring me home. It was also revealed to me just how selfish I really am.
As I was reflecting this morning I was very much grieved by my sin...which I believe is how it should be. We can't ignore our sin...because it is exactly what put Jesus on the cross. Now I'm not talking sin like drugs and alcohol, but sin like selfishness, greed, and envy.
I'm so thankful that Gods mercies are new every morning and that yesterday is considered my past. It's been a tough week but Gods strength is perfected in my weakness which brings Him the ultimate glory.
So happy its Friday...looking forward to sleeping in tomorrow. God is good...He knew the things I would face this week and He wasn't rattled, I take comfort in that. In fact, He used the things I faced this week to challenge me, grow me, and use me in ways I wouldn't of that possible. I love Him.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Challenge
Gave my testimony at church today. All week I prayed God would send people that needed to hear what He had to say through me. He did just that. I saw faces that I haven't seen in quite awhile. I'm confident that God is going to use what I said to help change someones life. The thing I'm more excited for is to allow people to watch me 'walk out' what I shared with them today. If my words and actions don't match up there is no use...I would just be waisting my breathe. What would be the point? There would be none.
I want Jesus to look good on me. I want Jesus to look attractive. I think so often people are turned off to Jesus because we make him look so bad. Who wants to serve a boring God? No one wants a stain glass Jesus. No one wants to walk on egg shells all the time and constantly be looking over there shoulder to make sure there doing the 'right thing'.
I don't know about you, but I serve a God who is nothing but boring. I serve a God I can be myself around. A God I can spill my guts too and He still loves me and wants to hang out with me. That's the kind of Jesus this world needs to see. And that's the kind of Jesus I want to show them.
The enemy was out to get me all week. He tried to distract me like no other. He put all types of fears and worries in my mind. I'll admit, at moments I gave into his plan. In fact, I spent the majority of my day Thursday in such a fog that it was difficult to function at times. But I didn't give up. I knew that he didn't want me to share my testimony at church, but I was determined not to let him stop me. The things he pressed on me pushed me to pray more and seek harder. I think he finally got to the point where he knew he wasn't going to get my spiritually or emotionally...so he tried physically. All day Saturday I had a sore throat and a runny nose. Doesn't work well when your going to speak in front of a crowd. BUT I didn't let that stop me either. Sunday morning he tried again to attack me and discourage me.
The enemy has already been defeated.The only power he has over my life is the power I give him. And trust me he will take all he can get. This week I gave him an inch and he preceded to take a mile. Thankfully God stepped in and reminded me that I don't have to allow Satan to do this too me. I remained faithful and obedient and I believe God is going to honor that. I did what I was called to do and the rest is up to Him.
Looking forward to the coming days. I feel so blessed to be able to watch His hands work and be apart of His masterpiece.
I want Jesus to look good on me. I want Jesus to look attractive. I think so often people are turned off to Jesus because we make him look so bad. Who wants to serve a boring God? No one wants a stain glass Jesus. No one wants to walk on egg shells all the time and constantly be looking over there shoulder to make sure there doing the 'right thing'.
I don't know about you, but I serve a God who is nothing but boring. I serve a God I can be myself around. A God I can spill my guts too and He still loves me and wants to hang out with me. That's the kind of Jesus this world needs to see. And that's the kind of Jesus I want to show them.
The enemy was out to get me all week. He tried to distract me like no other. He put all types of fears and worries in my mind. I'll admit, at moments I gave into his plan. In fact, I spent the majority of my day Thursday in such a fog that it was difficult to function at times. But I didn't give up. I knew that he didn't want me to share my testimony at church, but I was determined not to let him stop me. The things he pressed on me pushed me to pray more and seek harder. I think he finally got to the point where he knew he wasn't going to get my spiritually or emotionally...so he tried physically. All day Saturday I had a sore throat and a runny nose. Doesn't work well when your going to speak in front of a crowd. BUT I didn't let that stop me either. Sunday morning he tried again to attack me and discourage me.
The enemy has already been defeated.The only power he has over my life is the power I give him. And trust me he will take all he can get. This week I gave him an inch and he preceded to take a mile. Thankfully God stepped in and reminded me that I don't have to allow Satan to do this too me. I remained faithful and obedient and I believe God is going to honor that. I did what I was called to do and the rest is up to Him.
Looking forward to the coming days. I feel so blessed to be able to watch His hands work and be apart of His masterpiece.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
My Day Off
I spent my day off doing an assortment of things...
Met a pretty awesome girl for coffee. Babysat. Cooked. Cleaned.
As a write, Babbi, Donovan and myself are all sitting in the same room and were all getting along-surprisingly enough. (That doesn't happen often) We have the opportunity this week to spend a lot of time just the three of us, which I'm really looking forward too. We accomplished to do homework without fighting and all agree on the same thing for dinner. That is a huge accomplishment in our house!
Yep, you read correctly I spent my day off babysitting-some think its crazy...I think its easy extra cash.
I watched Carter roll around on the carpet, put things in his mouth, explore the house and his surroundings, and sleep all without a care in the world. He was perfectly content in the moment. Even when it came time for lunch, he wasn't worried because he knew that if he let me know I would feed him. The only thing that he was remotely concerned about was when I wasn't in the same room as him. I can't help but think that's how God wants things to be for us...
He wants us to be content in the moment. Not worry about tomorrow. Rest assured that He will provide. Explore knowing He has gone before to 'safe proof' our path and that He is following close behind to catch us if we fall.
I believe life is suppose to be that simple...but we as humans complicate it to no end. Like Carter was to me, the only thing we need to be worried about is the absence of Gods presence. I want to live my life in such a way that I am constantly, and even subconsciously aware of His presence.
I'm convinced that childlike faith is a discipline. We need to train ourselves to become like a child again. Being with Carter today, helped me once again to slow down and take the moment for what it is.
Going nowhere...Going to spend my time in the Now Here (nowhere) moment...Going to hang out with the two people than mean more to me than life itself. So thankful that God has given me another chance to influence their lives...for the better
Met a pretty awesome girl for coffee. Babysat. Cooked. Cleaned.
As a write, Babbi, Donovan and myself are all sitting in the same room and were all getting along-surprisingly enough. (That doesn't happen often) We have the opportunity this week to spend a lot of time just the three of us, which I'm really looking forward too. We accomplished to do homework without fighting and all agree on the same thing for dinner. That is a huge accomplishment in our house!
Yep, you read correctly I spent my day off babysitting-some think its crazy...I think its easy extra cash.
I watched Carter roll around on the carpet, put things in his mouth, explore the house and his surroundings, and sleep all without a care in the world. He was perfectly content in the moment. Even when it came time for lunch, he wasn't worried because he knew that if he let me know I would feed him. The only thing that he was remotely concerned about was when I wasn't in the same room as him. I can't help but think that's how God wants things to be for us...
He wants us to be content in the moment. Not worry about tomorrow. Rest assured that He will provide. Explore knowing He has gone before to 'safe proof' our path and that He is following close behind to catch us if we fall.
I believe life is suppose to be that simple...but we as humans complicate it to no end. Like Carter was to me, the only thing we need to be worried about is the absence of Gods presence. I want to live my life in such a way that I am constantly, and even subconsciously aware of His presence.
I'm convinced that childlike faith is a discipline. We need to train ourselves to become like a child again. Being with Carter today, helped me once again to slow down and take the moment for what it is.
Going nowhere...Going to spend my time in the Now Here (nowhere) moment...Going to hang out with the two people than mean more to me than life itself. So thankful that God has given me another chance to influence their lives...for the better
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Routine
I've been home over a month now. Time sure goes fast. I'm pretty pleased with how things have gone so far and those I've asked are also pleased with the evident change they see from who I was then to who I am now. My goal has not been to please others, but it is nice to hear that others see a difference.
I'm amazed at how simple but profound Gods word really is. I once heard that the greatest act of faith is obedience to Gods word. So true. I can sum up the transformation that has taken place in my heart in two words: Gods word.
I'm sitting in front of the computer with four different bible translations in front of me but I think The Message says it best.
Romans 12: 1-2 'So here's what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life-your sleeping, eating, going to work, and walking-around life-and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.'
'
Couple things about this passage. The first thing that sticks out to me is 'God helping you'. I can't do it apart from Him. He wants to help, He enjoys helping. He wants to be apart of it ALL. He isn't going to set me up to fail, He will never ask me to do something that He knows I can't do. How reassuring? The second thing I really like, is He tells you what to do and also tells you what you will gain by doing it. It's almost as if He is saying, 'test me, go ahead and try it...see if it works'. He tells me plain as day right in Romans that if I fix my attention on Him I will be changed from the indside out. I am a living, walking, breathing testimony of that.
The important thing here, and the thing that is most pressing on my heart right now is the word routine. Making sure that I'm not just going through the motions with no real meaning behind it. Going through the motions isn't enough. Going through the motions wont produce a lasting change. Going through the motions wont bring me joy. Going through the motions will get tiring. Going through the motions will bring me right back the the place I started.
God has a plan. His plan will continue with or without me. I would hate to sit on the sidelines and watch while I could actually be playing in the morst important game ever and on an all star winning team at that. Being picked for sports in middle school was a tough time for me...the captains always picked the biggest, fastest, strongest person first and then would trickle down from that to whoever is left over. I was usually one of the 'left overs'. Everyone wants to play with the person with the best record. We've got the option of playing on the team of the undefeated champion of the world. There is no match for Him and the best part...He picked us. Not only did He pick us but He made us, so to Him were the best of the best. It honors Him to have us on His team. But even if we don't choose, He is still God and He still wins.
So...Are you in or out? Are you playing or watching? This passage in Romans tells us how to play. Give God your life as an offering...things wont just become routine if I'm activelly allowing Him to be apart of it all.
Come play with me.
I'm amazed at how simple but profound Gods word really is. I once heard that the greatest act of faith is obedience to Gods word. So true. I can sum up the transformation that has taken place in my heart in two words: Gods word.
I'm sitting in front of the computer with four different bible translations in front of me but I think The Message says it best.
Romans 12: 1-2 'So here's what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life-your sleeping, eating, going to work, and walking-around life-and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.'
'
Couple things about this passage. The first thing that sticks out to me is 'God helping you'. I can't do it apart from Him. He wants to help, He enjoys helping. He wants to be apart of it ALL. He isn't going to set me up to fail, He will never ask me to do something that He knows I can't do. How reassuring? The second thing I really like, is He tells you what to do and also tells you what you will gain by doing it. It's almost as if He is saying, 'test me, go ahead and try it...see if it works'. He tells me plain as day right in Romans that if I fix my attention on Him I will be changed from the indside out. I am a living, walking, breathing testimony of that.
The important thing here, and the thing that is most pressing on my heart right now is the word routine. Making sure that I'm not just going through the motions with no real meaning behind it. Going through the motions isn't enough. Going through the motions wont produce a lasting change. Going through the motions wont bring me joy. Going through the motions will get tiring. Going through the motions will bring me right back the the place I started.
God has a plan. His plan will continue with or without me. I would hate to sit on the sidelines and watch while I could actually be playing in the morst important game ever and on an all star winning team at that. Being picked for sports in middle school was a tough time for me...the captains always picked the biggest, fastest, strongest person first and then would trickle down from that to whoever is left over. I was usually one of the 'left overs'. Everyone wants to play with the person with the best record. We've got the option of playing on the team of the undefeated champion of the world. There is no match for Him and the best part...He picked us. Not only did He pick us but He made us, so to Him were the best of the best. It honors Him to have us on His team. But even if we don't choose, He is still God and He still wins.
So...Are you in or out? Are you playing or watching? This passage in Romans tells us how to play. Give God your life as an offering...things wont just become routine if I'm activelly allowing Him to be apart of it all.
Come play with me.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Snow Day
Today has taught me a few things about myself.
I woke up this morning with a list of errands to run and things that I felt needed to be accomplished. If you live in Chicago you know, by looking out your window, that I was not successful in that mission.
That made me grumpy...I don't like not getting my way. I don't like when things don't go according to plan. I don't like feeling trapped. I don't like not being in control.
God had other plans for my day...
Started my new job this week. Have been worried about how I'm going to make time for everything and everyone and work without getting 'burnt out'. So, because today was my day off, I had what seemed like an endless list of things to do. God snowed me in to show me that if I keep my eyes on Him, everything else will all fall into play, just like Matthew 6:33 tells me. And that it did...amazingly enough.
Now I will admit, I walked around throwing a fit for the first two hours I was awake. That was getting me nowhere, and I quickly decided I didn't want to waist my day acting like a two year old. Plus, it was only hurting me...no one else was even around to witness my tantrum.
Overall, it was a good day. It didn't go as I planned, but I'm confident it went as God had planned. I got to spend majority of my day hanging out with Him. Reading, writing, praying, worshipping. What a better way to spend a day. The sad thing is, if I wasn't snowed in, I can't say that is how I would of spent my day. I'm thankful God sometimes goes through drastic measures to get our attention. I'm thankful I learned this lesson early on in this game called life.
Matthew 6:33 (msg) 'Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.' Got to experience this firsthand today. Good stuff.
I woke up this morning with a list of errands to run and things that I felt needed to be accomplished. If you live in Chicago you know, by looking out your window, that I was not successful in that mission.
That made me grumpy...I don't like not getting my way. I don't like when things don't go according to plan. I don't like feeling trapped. I don't like not being in control.
God had other plans for my day...
Started my new job this week. Have been worried about how I'm going to make time for everything and everyone and work without getting 'burnt out'. So, because today was my day off, I had what seemed like an endless list of things to do. God snowed me in to show me that if I keep my eyes on Him, everything else will all fall into play, just like Matthew 6:33 tells me. And that it did...amazingly enough.
Now I will admit, I walked around throwing a fit for the first two hours I was awake. That was getting me nowhere, and I quickly decided I didn't want to waist my day acting like a two year old. Plus, it was only hurting me...no one else was even around to witness my tantrum.
Overall, it was a good day. It didn't go as I planned, but I'm confident it went as God had planned. I got to spend majority of my day hanging out with Him. Reading, writing, praying, worshipping. What a better way to spend a day. The sad thing is, if I wasn't snowed in, I can't say that is how I would of spent my day. I'm thankful God sometimes goes through drastic measures to get our attention. I'm thankful I learned this lesson early on in this game called life.
Matthew 6:33 (msg) 'Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.' Got to experience this firsthand today. Good stuff.
Monday, January 12, 2009
A Friend of God
...Lots going on...Let me share a piece of my heart with you...
'You are as close to God as you choose to be.'
I read this quote and haven't been able to stop thinking about it. It was a slap in the face to me. It really convicts you if you think about. People complain all the time, myself included, 'I'm just too busy'. Well, the truth is, if you want something bad enough you will make the time for it.
Seriously though. I make the time to sleep, because I couldn't function without it. I make the time to eat, because I couldn't live without it. I make the time to talk on the phone, because I need to stay in touch. I make the time to shower, because I would smell if I didn't. I make the time to watch tv, because I need some down time.
How does God play into all this? Are you making time for Him? I make time for God, because I feel empty without Him. I make time for God, because I need Him. I make time for God, because I love Him. I'm not satisfied where I'm at, its time to take it to the next level...
I want to be close to God. I tried to think of this in terms of a relationship with another person. What makes you close to someone? What are things you would do in front of someone your close to that you wouldn't do in front of anyone else? This might sound goofy but...here is what I came up with. I want to be close to God where I'm comfortable walking around with no pants on in front of Him. I want to be close to God where I can fart in front of Him. (Obviously, I already do these things in front of God now...but just read me out) Right now I would say I am the closest with my family. Now were close, but not that close. I don't fart in front of my family, nor do I walk around without pants on. There is a level of intimacy present when your able to just 'let it all hang out' in front of the person your closest too. That is how close I desire to be with God.
I found some verses that really encouraged me to continue on with this journey.
Jer. 29:13 (msg) 'When you get serious about finding me, and want it more than anything else, I'll make sure you wont be disappointed'--what a promise that is!
Eph. 3:20 (msg) 'God can do anything, you know-far more than you could ever IMAGINE or GUESS or REQUEST in your wildest dreams!
Phil. 3:10 sums it all up...'My determined purpose is that I may know Him-that I may progressively become more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him, perceiving and recognizing and understanding the wonders of His person more strongly and more clearly'
Enjoying the journey.
'You are as close to God as you choose to be.'
I read this quote and haven't been able to stop thinking about it. It was a slap in the face to me. It really convicts you if you think about. People complain all the time, myself included, 'I'm just too busy'. Well, the truth is, if you want something bad enough you will make the time for it.
Seriously though. I make the time to sleep, because I couldn't function without it. I make the time to eat, because I couldn't live without it. I make the time to talk on the phone, because I need to stay in touch. I make the time to shower, because I would smell if I didn't. I make the time to watch tv, because I need some down time.
How does God play into all this? Are you making time for Him? I make time for God, because I feel empty without Him. I make time for God, because I need Him. I make time for God, because I love Him. I'm not satisfied where I'm at, its time to take it to the next level...
I want to be close to God. I tried to think of this in terms of a relationship with another person. What makes you close to someone? What are things you would do in front of someone your close to that you wouldn't do in front of anyone else? This might sound goofy but...here is what I came up with. I want to be close to God where I'm comfortable walking around with no pants on in front of Him. I want to be close to God where I can fart in front of Him. (Obviously, I already do these things in front of God now...but just read me out) Right now I would say I am the closest with my family. Now were close, but not that close. I don't fart in front of my family, nor do I walk around without pants on. There is a level of intimacy present when your able to just 'let it all hang out' in front of the person your closest too. That is how close I desire to be with God.
I found some verses that really encouraged me to continue on with this journey.
Jer. 29:13 (msg) 'When you get serious about finding me, and want it more than anything else, I'll make sure you wont be disappointed'--what a promise that is!
Eph. 3:20 (msg) 'God can do anything, you know-far more than you could ever IMAGINE or GUESS or REQUEST in your wildest dreams!
Phil. 3:10 sums it all up...'My determined purpose is that I may know Him-that I may progressively become more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him, perceiving and recognizing and understanding the wonders of His person more strongly and more clearly'
Enjoying the journey.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
6 months vs. 3 weeks
Very eventful day.
Breakfast with my cousin...waffles, made in a old fashioned waffle maker that smells like old people. Classic. Spent majority of the morning loving on her three precious children. We played house, and doctor, and policeman, and we colored too. So much fun. It really helped me to focus in on the here and now and just enjoy what I was doing with no hidden agenda.
I went over to there house at 8 a.m. with a whole list in the back of my mind of things that needed to be accomplished...something that will definately destroy trying to focus in on the here and now. Once we started to play I totally forgot and had so much fun. I spent the morning in a child like state on my hands and knees using my imagination.
Came home and started to 'get things done'...nothing pressing really just little things that have been on my 'list' that I'm sick of staring at. Can we say procrastinator? Yea, I can admit to that. We've all got our stuff...something I need to work on...I'll keep you posted on how thats going : )
Spent my late afternoon in the gym getting my butt kicked. Mycousin is going to be training me to get me toned up...from here on out he will be referred to as the drill sargeant. All I can say is he doesn't take no for an answer. I suppose this will help me work on submission. I'm expecting to not be able to walk in the morning.
New Greys tonight! Any fans? I'm pretty pumped. Me and Babs have a date, and I'm excited because my family was awesome enough to record them for me while I was away. So of course upon my return I pulled an all nighter and got all caught up. Hooray!
Two things on my heart tonight...
1. Doing vs. Being-something I'm known to get caught up in easily. I was writing someone an email expressing my struggle in this area and then I went downstairs to read day 9 of the Purpose Driven Life book and stumbled across these verses...
Hosea 6:6 'I don't want your sacrifices-I want your love; I don't want your offerings-I want you to know me.
*All I can say about this one is how cool? All God wants is us. Exactly how we are. He just wants us to get to know Him to love Him, not to prove our love or go out of our way to get His attention...He wants us just to be.
Ps. 37:23 'The steps of the godly are directed by the Lord. He delights in every detail of their lives.'
*The word that stuck out here was EVERY. He wants to be involved in it ALL. Not some. But ALL. He cares about it ALL. There is no other way to say it.
Ps. 103:14 'He certainly knows what we are made of. He bears in mind that we are dust.'
*This one just threw me over the top. He gets it. He knows its hard for us to live a life of faith. He has compassion on us. Compassion is the capacity to feel what another is feeling. So not only does our God see, know and understand whats going on in our hearts and lives, BUT he feels it. You know how it is when someone you love is hurting or going through something...it hurts you to see them hurt. That is exactly how God is with us. If that isn't comforting I don't know what is.
The only way to explain it is to tell you what someone else told me. 'God is never late, rarely early, and ALWAYS on time'. He knew I needed to read those exactly when I did. He continues to amaze me.
2. The title of my post is 6 months vs. 3 weeks. I've been home all of three weeks yesterday. It is crazy when I sit back and compare all that God has done and all the difference of who I was six months ago and who I am now. So much has happened in six months...I can't even begin to put into words the transformation God has done on my heart. God has used the last three weeks to show me areas that need to be worked on and the part I play in our relationship. I'm so thankful his grace covers me in this area.
Very grateful tonight. Grateful for grace, mercy, unconditional love, forgiveness, acceptance, and redemption. Good stuff.
Time for Greys!
Breakfast with my cousin...waffles, made in a old fashioned waffle maker that smells like old people. Classic. Spent majority of the morning loving on her three precious children. We played house, and doctor, and policeman, and we colored too. So much fun. It really helped me to focus in on the here and now and just enjoy what I was doing with no hidden agenda.
I went over to there house at 8 a.m. with a whole list in the back of my mind of things that needed to be accomplished...something that will definately destroy trying to focus in on the here and now. Once we started to play I totally forgot and had so much fun. I spent the morning in a child like state on my hands and knees using my imagination.
Came home and started to 'get things done'...nothing pressing really just little things that have been on my 'list' that I'm sick of staring at. Can we say procrastinator? Yea, I can admit to that. We've all got our stuff...something I need to work on...I'll keep you posted on how thats going : )
Spent my late afternoon in the gym getting my butt kicked. Mycousin is going to be training me to get me toned up...from here on out he will be referred to as the drill sargeant. All I can say is he doesn't take no for an answer. I suppose this will help me work on submission. I'm expecting to not be able to walk in the morning.
New Greys tonight! Any fans? I'm pretty pumped. Me and Babs have a date, and I'm excited because my family was awesome enough to record them for me while I was away. So of course upon my return I pulled an all nighter and got all caught up. Hooray!
Two things on my heart tonight...
1. Doing vs. Being-something I'm known to get caught up in easily. I was writing someone an email expressing my struggle in this area and then I went downstairs to read day 9 of the Purpose Driven Life book and stumbled across these verses...
Hosea 6:6 'I don't want your sacrifices-I want your love; I don't want your offerings-I want you to know me.
*All I can say about this one is how cool? All God wants is us. Exactly how we are. He just wants us to get to know Him to love Him, not to prove our love or go out of our way to get His attention...He wants us just to be.
Ps. 37:23 'The steps of the godly are directed by the Lord. He delights in every detail of their lives.'
*The word that stuck out here was EVERY. He wants to be involved in it ALL. Not some. But ALL. He cares about it ALL. There is no other way to say it.
Ps. 103:14 'He certainly knows what we are made of. He bears in mind that we are dust.'
*This one just threw me over the top. He gets it. He knows its hard for us to live a life of faith. He has compassion on us. Compassion is the capacity to feel what another is feeling. So not only does our God see, know and understand whats going on in our hearts and lives, BUT he feels it. You know how it is when someone you love is hurting or going through something...it hurts you to see them hurt. That is exactly how God is with us. If that isn't comforting I don't know what is.
The only way to explain it is to tell you what someone else told me. 'God is never late, rarely early, and ALWAYS on time'. He knew I needed to read those exactly when I did. He continues to amaze me.
2. The title of my post is 6 months vs. 3 weeks. I've been home all of three weeks yesterday. It is crazy when I sit back and compare all that God has done and all the difference of who I was six months ago and who I am now. So much has happened in six months...I can't even begin to put into words the transformation God has done on my heart. God has used the last three weeks to show me areas that need to be worked on and the part I play in our relationship. I'm so thankful his grace covers me in this area.
Very grateful tonight. Grateful for grace, mercy, unconditional love, forgiveness, acceptance, and redemption. Good stuff.
Time for Greys!
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Clarification
Need to clarify something so I am not misunderstood...
At the end of my last post from earlier today I said, 'I don't know about you but when I think of being the daughter of a King. I think of being treated like royalty. I think of receiving nothing but the best.'
I think that can be taken wrongly so let me explain what I meant. I am not unaware that we live in a fallen messy world, people aren't always going to be treated nice, fair, or like princesses. I get that. I did not mean in any way shape or form that I expect to be treated like a princess or like royalty from any other person.
I was saying that I know that I am treated like royalty and given nothing but the best from my Heavenly Father, from my King. A King knows how to treat a princess, He knows what is best for His daughter and He gives her nothing but that.
I also know being royalty comes with a price. You live with a much higher expectation on your life. You live in the spotlight, with people always watching. You don't want to make the King look bad. It sounds like a lot of pressure, but its actually an honor. We serve a King, the creator of the universe. What a privilege!
I've been reflecting on this all afternoon and its brought me to a point of true humility.
I end with this...You can never be greater than your Master (The King), and your Master was a servant. We are called to serve, even as princesses of the Most High King. We are taught by example, and we should lead by example.
At the end of my last post from earlier today I said, 'I don't know about you but when I think of being the daughter of a King. I think of being treated like royalty. I think of receiving nothing but the best.'
I think that can be taken wrongly so let me explain what I meant. I am not unaware that we live in a fallen messy world, people aren't always going to be treated nice, fair, or like princesses. I get that. I did not mean in any way shape or form that I expect to be treated like a princess or like royalty from any other person.
I was saying that I know that I am treated like royalty and given nothing but the best from my Heavenly Father, from my King. A King knows how to treat a princess, He knows what is best for His daughter and He gives her nothing but that.
I also know being royalty comes with a price. You live with a much higher expectation on your life. You live in the spotlight, with people always watching. You don't want to make the King look bad. It sounds like a lot of pressure, but its actually an honor. We serve a King, the creator of the universe. What a privilege!
I've been reflecting on this all afternoon and its brought me to a point of true humility.
I end with this...You can never be greater than your Master (The King), and your Master was a servant. We are called to serve, even as princesses of the Most High King. We are taught by example, and we should lead by example.
Daughter of a King
In spite of my amazing day yesterday I woke up this morning feeling not so great. In all honesty, I didn't even want to get out of bed. But I did, and for that I'm glad.
I was getting ready and I found a necklace I received from a Mercy donor for Christmas. It is just a simple crown on a silver chain. As soon as I saw I was immediately reminded that I'm a daughter of the King.
I put it on and went about my day. I went to Starbucks to work on some stuff and all the while just wasn't feeling it. I was preparing my lesson for Sunday school this week and working on some 'kid stuff', but the whole time just felt empty. Feeling restless and like I was getting nowhere I put that stuff to the side and just started to read my bible.
Recently I described my bible as no longer a giant rule book, but a love letter and guide for my life. I want to share with you a love letter from my daddy...
Sarah.
I know everything about you.
I saw you before you were born.
Your life is in my hands.
I think about you constantly.
I will never reject you.
You are perfect to me.
I know everything you need and I will provide.
I am the only constant in your life.
I will wipe every tear from your eyes.
You were created to be like me.
You are my child.
I sacrificed my everything for you.
I am on your team, and your biggest fan.
Nothing can seperate us.
I value you.
I have plans for you.
You bring me glory.
I call you by your name.
I wont fail you.
I'm always with you.
I love you.
Dad
It really helped me to calm down and come back to planet earth. I don't have to have it all figured out because He already does. He loves me just as I am. When I'm a mess, and when I'm at my best.
I don't know about you but when I think of being the daughter of a King. I think of being treated like royalty. I think of receiving nothing but the best.
It's time to press in and press on...
I was getting ready and I found a necklace I received from a Mercy donor for Christmas. It is just a simple crown on a silver chain. As soon as I saw I was immediately reminded that I'm a daughter of the King.
I put it on and went about my day. I went to Starbucks to work on some stuff and all the while just wasn't feeling it. I was preparing my lesson for Sunday school this week and working on some 'kid stuff', but the whole time just felt empty. Feeling restless and like I was getting nowhere I put that stuff to the side and just started to read my bible.
Recently I described my bible as no longer a giant rule book, but a love letter and guide for my life. I want to share with you a love letter from my daddy...
Sarah.
I know everything about you.
I saw you before you were born.
Your life is in my hands.
I think about you constantly.
I will never reject you.
You are perfect to me.
I know everything you need and I will provide.
I am the only constant in your life.
I will wipe every tear from your eyes.
You were created to be like me.
You are my child.
I sacrificed my everything for you.
I am on your team, and your biggest fan.
Nothing can seperate us.
I value you.
I have plans for you.
You bring me glory.
I call you by your name.
I wont fail you.
I'm always with you.
I love you.
Dad
It really helped me to calm down and come back to planet earth. I don't have to have it all figured out because He already does. He loves me just as I am. When I'm a mess, and when I'm at my best.
I don't know about you but when I think of being the daughter of a King. I think of being treated like royalty. I think of receiving nothing but the best.
It's time to press in and press on...
Monday, January 5, 2009
Monday
Super busy day...
Majority of my morning was spent on the phone, all good news and encouraging conversations. Met a pretty awesome woman of God for coffee, again super encouraging. The one thing I had on my heart to talk her about, was the only thing she was interested in talking about...and I didn't even tell her what that was. I didn't even have to bring it up...God totally took care of it. Very much a relief.
My afternoon was spent job hunting...how exhausting? When it comes to finding a job I've had it pretty easy. Every single job I've ever had I was pretty much handed, got right on the spot. Yea, I know..I'm just that awesome. Today didn't go exactly that way...but I did get a good lead. Waiting to see how it plays out. Going to hit the field again tomorrow.
Possibly might be taking a mini road trip to Milkwaukee next weekend to see Anberlin and a pretty awesome girl named Kristin...oh and her vincent boyfriend : ) All I can say about the trip, if it all works out on her end, is trust is a beautiful thing. 6 months ago if I would of asked my parents to do something like this they would of laughed...it would of never happened. But when I asked tonight they didn't even have to 'think about it'...I got a yes almost immediately, after the whole car safety talk of course! I wasn't even scared to ask because I knew that exactly what I was telling them I was doing was what I was going to be doing. There was no pressure, no sneaking around...there really is freedom in that. I can't tell you how good it feels to be trusted. Trust is something I don't ever want to take from granted again...it is a hard thing to regain once lost.
I knew without a doubt coming home from Mercy that I was a changed person. But I knew my loved ones weren't exactly convinced because they didn't have the joy of watching me 'walk it out'. God has gone above and beyond to bring restoration to all the relationships most important to me. I had the opportunity this morning to sit back and reflect and all that He has done for me just in the last 3 weeks...everywhere I look I can see His hand. The same God I experienced and fell in love with at Mercy came home with me.
I'm in love with my Maker...head over heals in love. I've never experienced a love like this and I'm told it gets better. Even with all the uncertainties I'm facing, I'm ok because even though I don't know what the days ahead of me hold...I know the one who writes my days, and I'm secure in the palm of His hand.
Good stuff.
Majority of my morning was spent on the phone, all good news and encouraging conversations. Met a pretty awesome woman of God for coffee, again super encouraging. The one thing I had on my heart to talk her about, was the only thing she was interested in talking about...and I didn't even tell her what that was. I didn't even have to bring it up...God totally took care of it. Very much a relief.
My afternoon was spent job hunting...how exhausting? When it comes to finding a job I've had it pretty easy. Every single job I've ever had I was pretty much handed, got right on the spot. Yea, I know..I'm just that awesome. Today didn't go exactly that way...but I did get a good lead. Waiting to see how it plays out. Going to hit the field again tomorrow.
Possibly might be taking a mini road trip to Milkwaukee next weekend to see Anberlin and a pretty awesome girl named Kristin...oh and her vincent boyfriend : ) All I can say about the trip, if it all works out on her end, is trust is a beautiful thing. 6 months ago if I would of asked my parents to do something like this they would of laughed...it would of never happened. But when I asked tonight they didn't even have to 'think about it'...I got a yes almost immediately, after the whole car safety talk of course! I wasn't even scared to ask because I knew that exactly what I was telling them I was doing was what I was going to be doing. There was no pressure, no sneaking around...there really is freedom in that. I can't tell you how good it feels to be trusted. Trust is something I don't ever want to take from granted again...it is a hard thing to regain once lost.
I knew without a doubt coming home from Mercy that I was a changed person. But I knew my loved ones weren't exactly convinced because they didn't have the joy of watching me 'walk it out'. God has gone above and beyond to bring restoration to all the relationships most important to me. I had the opportunity this morning to sit back and reflect and all that He has done for me just in the last 3 weeks...everywhere I look I can see His hand. The same God I experienced and fell in love with at Mercy came home with me.
I'm in love with my Maker...head over heals in love. I've never experienced a love like this and I'm told it gets better. Even with all the uncertainties I'm facing, I'm ok because even though I don't know what the days ahead of me hold...I know the one who writes my days, and I'm secure in the palm of His hand.
Good stuff.
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Uncertainties
I've been in an odd frame of mind all day. Not quite sure what is going on, I think reality is starting to set in.
I'm dealing with a lot of uncertainities here lately. It is definately an opportunity to trust God. It's easy to trust God when you know exactly what life holds...but once you step into the unknown its a whole new ball game. He has never not taken care of me in the past, and if I look back to the last few months I can see His hand all over my life.
I'm currently reading The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren. Great book, very challenging. It's more like a 40 day devotional. You read a chapter a day and reflect. Todays reading was about how life is a test and a trust. The reflection question was, 'what has happened to me recently that I now realize was a test from God?'. I feel as if I'm at that exact place right now as I write.
I've been home from Mercy now all of 18 days...I've been going going going since I stepped off the plane. I'm exhausted. My brain hurts...this evening I attempted to relax and just watch tv and I couldn't sit still. All I can think about is the week ahead of me...and the lovely task of going out to look for a job.
God is testing me. He wants to be apart of my ENTIRE life...I've been holding back. I have a tendancy to limit Him sometimes. I'm limiting Him. No more of that, the box I have put Him in is busting at the seems-He is too big for it! Just had a mini revelation...This blogging thing isn't so bad after all.
Going to hang out with Jesus...we've got some things to talk about.
I'm dealing with a lot of uncertainities here lately. It is definately an opportunity to trust God. It's easy to trust God when you know exactly what life holds...but once you step into the unknown its a whole new ball game. He has never not taken care of me in the past, and if I look back to the last few months I can see His hand all over my life.
I'm currently reading The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren. Great book, very challenging. It's more like a 40 day devotional. You read a chapter a day and reflect. Todays reading was about how life is a test and a trust. The reflection question was, 'what has happened to me recently that I now realize was a test from God?'. I feel as if I'm at that exact place right now as I write.
I've been home from Mercy now all of 18 days...I've been going going going since I stepped off the plane. I'm exhausted. My brain hurts...this evening I attempted to relax and just watch tv and I couldn't sit still. All I can think about is the week ahead of me...and the lovely task of going out to look for a job.
God is testing me. He wants to be apart of my ENTIRE life...I've been holding back. I have a tendancy to limit Him sometimes. I'm limiting Him. No more of that, the box I have put Him in is busting at the seems-He is too big for it! Just had a mini revelation...This blogging thing isn't so bad after all.
Going to hang out with Jesus...we've got some things to talk about.
Saturday, January 3, 2009
Frustrated
I'm attempting for the third time tonight to re-do my ipod. I simply tried to add one song and it deleted my whole library and replaced it with that one specific song. How frustrating? Not how I planned on spending the last 45 minutes...
While it's busy doing it's thing...I have time for an update.
I got to do several of my absolute favorite things today:
-Spend time with a pretty awesome person that I would consider my best friend.
-Drive
-Spend the entire day in a coffee shop
-Listen
-Talk about God
What a good day. We spent almost our entire day sitting in a coffee shop just talking and mostly talking about God.
At the end of our conversation, my friend leaned in and asked me to pray for her, right in the middle of the coffee shop. I thought that was pretty cool. I can honestly say that I have never prayed in public like that and I've never been asked to pray in public like that. I was honored, it was a pretty powerful moment and a significant move forward in our friendship. good stuff. Without even knowing it she helped to push me out of my comfort zone. For that, I'm thankful.
God just never ceases to amaze me.
I started out this post super frustrated, but once I took my focus off my frustration and put it elsewhere...my frustration fell off, I got to reflect on my amazing day, and now my ipod is all set. All is well.
While it's busy doing it's thing...I have time for an update.
I got to do several of my absolute favorite things today:
-Spend time with a pretty awesome person that I would consider my best friend.
-Drive
-Spend the entire day in a coffee shop
-Listen
-Talk about God
What a good day. We spent almost our entire day sitting in a coffee shop just talking and mostly talking about God.
At the end of our conversation, my friend leaned in and asked me to pray for her, right in the middle of the coffee shop. I thought that was pretty cool. I can honestly say that I have never prayed in public like that and I've never been asked to pray in public like that. I was honored, it was a pretty powerful moment and a significant move forward in our friendship. good stuff. Without even knowing it she helped to push me out of my comfort zone. For that, I'm thankful.
God just never ceases to amaze me.
I started out this post super frustrated, but once I took my focus off my frustration and put it elsewhere...my frustration fell off, I got to reflect on my amazing day, and now my ipod is all set. All is well.
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